I'm having a bloody nightmare.

My 'adventure' which was supposed to be a dreamy summer spent with two lovely kids in the sunshine is turning out to be a bit of a nightmare. 

Let's replace 'summer' with a British day. (Cloudy with regular rain). Let's replace 'lovely' with evil, and 'kids' with lucifer's spawn. Let's just shoot down the word sunshine. 

I always seem to have good ideas which turn out to be rubbish. So far on this adventure, I've set fire to a microwave, been in a car collision (apparently the spanish can't parallel park), realised the risks of having children, witnessed the start of world war three, and had to refrain from punching a ten year old in the face.

I've met brats in my life, sometimes I'm one of them. But I swear to the old gods and the new, I've never met someone evil. The ten year old is small, and very sweet looking until she opens her mouth. She's got a fair pair of lungs on her and always makes sure to annunciate when she's screaming 'puta' (bitch in Español). This is a child who likes to get her own way and surprise surprise, it always happens. 

Today she didn't want to go for a walk, but unfortunately for me, that was one of my orders from her dear padre. Naturally she refused and spent the morning watching the Disney channel so when padre got home for lunch and she's sat in her pyjamas, I'm the one that gets told off. 

When we sit down for lunch, her Madre asks her to put her phone away but she didn't want to so she starts screaming when her mother puts up a fight, she knocks a jug of water over. Then she takes her food, and more importantly her phone to eat in her room. 

The other girl is actually nice enough, but at 14 and in her summer holidays, the last things he wants to do is sit doing English with me when she's near fluent and her friends are out and about. So of course, she's stroppy and I look like the bad guy. 

I'm good at biting my tongue but I'm not so good at hiding my emotions. When I'm told "you should have taken her out for a walk today, it's your duty," I probably look very much like this: 

I'm taking bets on how long I think I'll last. I've been bet I'll pack it in by the weekend, but I reckon this time next week. Any takers?